When you have friends come to visit, because Italy is a popular vacationing destination. I am overwhelmed by two emotions, joy and dread.

Joy because I miss talking to someone in my native tongue from my native land. Dread because planning anything with two (or more) small kids will be key to the success of your visit, and knowing damn well that there will be an interruption every minute or so. Personally, my own social battery runs out if I have to tend to my high-demanding children while trying to have a conversation with another adult about topics that interest me. I also get irritated when the weather randomly goes to shit with zero warning. Slow-walking children and strollers, plus rain, puddles, cobblestones, crazy drivers, and other tourists, turns into a game of survival without snapping at your spouse. 

I no longer enjoy going out with both kids, the reason being that 100% of the time I do not get to sit down because I’m chasing kids that are actively trying to put themselves in harm’s way. Anytime someone asks us out for pizza, ice cream, or the park, my default answer is always ‘absolutely not’ after I compose myself from laughter. I have a magical ability to fast-forward how the event is going to play out, I can foresee the tantrums, or the broken dishes that my toddler loves launching or ‘I’m thirsty’… ‘I have to poop’… ‘Roy has pooped himself’… ‘I’m tired and can’t walk anymore’.. ‘Can you buy me this toy?’… ‘Can you carry this?’ and the icing on the cake would have to be the deafening random screams, all of this on loop from the moment you leave your front door, until you get home. Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. 

I also start to realize that my kids are used to seeing old buildings, old cathedrals, old cobblestone roads, and they have never left Italy. So while our visitors are marveling our old neighborhood that pre-dates the Roman Empire, my kids think its totally second nature. One day my oldest son Adrian said ‘Mom I want to go to America’. My response was ‘Really!? Do you want to see where we come from?’ and he said ‘No, I want to go to a car wash where you can stay inside the car while it’s being washed’. I laughed and wondered how he would respond seeing America for the first time. And that perhaps I need to start planning more traveling with them so they can know that the world isn’t just an old Etruscan village. My instinct is just to lay low until the youngest is out of a stroller, and when the car seats become less complicated. Plus I am about 3 years deprived of sleep, once I am no longer grumpy from being a living zombie going through the motions and keeping humans alive, I may be a more enjoyable person to be around. 

Living in Italy is hard when you see other couples with children and very involved grandparents. It’s such a gut punch. I primarily drop the kids off and pick them up from school, and I see grandparents doing drop off and pick ups. I’m here to clarify that my in-laws do live here, but they are very hands off. I know my kids will notice this eventually, because they know most of the grandparents on a first name basis at the school. This aspect makes me very sad, I know Americans are pretty low contact with their own families in the first place, its just part of our culture. But Italy is DIE HARD family oriented. It’s hard to not feel left out when you see grandparents everyday totally adore their grandchildren and fight over wanting to feed them and cuddle them. I just hope my children don’t feel like it is something that they did.  

I must be honest, even though doing normal daily things with kids is a chore and takes an obnoxious amount of time. I am always grateful at the end of the day that we connected and were able to see our family and friends in our corner of the world. I’m left wanting to see our visitors more or missing that connection I don’t get in daily life in Italy. Plus, it’s a nice feeling when my kids have people from all over the world come to see them in their town and love on them! That is worth everything.