At the beginning of 2015, I accompanied my husband on a work trip to Kolkata, India. Only having heard several recounted stories of others who embarked on an expedition trip to India and survived to tell the tale. 

We were loaded up with vaccines before the flight that took us from Rome to New Delhi and then to Kolkata. This trip would be after my famous Morrocco trip a year prior so I somewhat was prepared for what I might see. Plus Sam, my husband, lived there for his year abroad during college. I had never watched the film ‘slum dog millionaire’ or any Bollywood movies at all– just listened to the countless stories of people going to India to become ‘enlightened’ or pursue a ‘yoga guru’. 

Upon arrival we hailed a cab, the cabs there had a caked-on layer of dust and looked like they were from the 1940’s. The steering column was on the right side, it was my first time being in a car with the steering column on the opposite side than I was used to. There were no car lanes, it was a sea of cabs honking and a complete free-for-all. Never have I ever been one to pop pills, but I desperately wanted a Xanax to calm my nerves from the chaos of the traffic. Once we were coasting at a mild pace, I was able to look around and it looked like a post-apocalypse Brooklyn, New York, or what I imagined the world would look like if it had ended. So much smog and visible dust, that the skies looked as if the fire department just put out the world’s largest fire and we were sitting in the aftermath. I noticed that the temperature outside was very warm. In Europe, January is still very cold weatherwise, but not in India. 

Our hotel looked like a residential building, converted into a hotel. It reminded me of a pimped-out hostel, opposite of the luxury hotels that you can view online. The staff was incredibly nice and welcoming. Outside surrounding the hotel, it looked like the neighborhood was under development, but had run out of funds. In random fields, there were mounds of trash, with pigs and piglets running loose. 

In India, I learned several valuable lessons the hard way. I had not been advised to be cautious brushing my teeth with the tap water of the hotel, yet I would soon suffer the consequences. I was able to learn firsthand what a ‘bucket shower’ consisted of. Looking back now, I am grateful we had a toilet and not one of those Turkish toilets. It definitely came in handy when I was projectile vomiting and shitting my brains out simultaneously. But the hardest lesson of all was to not touch the animals, I made the mistake of touching cows and puppies, which resulted in me getting deathly ill.  

My husband was teaching a workshop in the Salt Lake area of Kolkata. The group of participants had extensive educational backgrounds but were also pursuing acting as a hobby. We also were able to see several theater productions and visited the Jorasanko Thakurbari Museum, some outdoor markets, and the Ganges River. 

My husband Sam, often told me about his adventures in India when he was studying the language and the sitar. He explained how the Ganges River is considered the most sacred river of all of India, for those who follow Hinduism. The Hindus believe that bathing in the river can offer forgiveness of transgressions and help attain salvation. He shared with me about the times he would swim in the Ganges. 

During this trip, he walked down close to the river to touch it. He turned to me and said “Hey Lourd! Come down here and touch Gangagi!” my immediate response was “No thank you! I’m good” he replied with “You came alllll the way to India and you aren’t going to even touch it?!” I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it or disrespect anyone we were with, but I was going to take a hard pass on getting a staph infection touching the most polluted river on the planet. As I politely shook my head no, a car floated by, and just a block away there was a human corpse being tossed in. If I had a death wish and wanted to meet my maker, maybe I would consider touching it. The ONLY way I would is if it were where it begins way up in the Himalayan mountains, or if someone offered me three million dollars.

I spent a great portion of the trip being very sick, most of my days I spent trying to lay in bed but feeling uncomfortable no matter what position I laid in due to my high fevers. The bathroom was the place I spent the most time in, I’ll spare the gory details but there was absolutely no way I could be far away from a toilet. I lost about 20 lbs being in India for 14 days. The flight home was also a complete nightmare, I got sick out of both ends every 5 minutes without exaggeration, the flight attendants kept insisting that I drink electrolytes and water and if I had any strength at all I would have tried to fight them because it started burning my throat anytime I would get sick, but they were there insisting I keep drinking their gross liquids. My fever was so high I began hallucinating. My sickness would haunt me well after our trip. I think if there is anyone in America who is struggling with their weight or diets that don’t work and needs an entire intestines cleanout detox, India is your place! I guarantee you will lose the weight desired.

I think that if it wasn’t a work trip and we were able to go places we wanted to go see, perhaps the trip would have been more enjoyable. If you had asked me shortly after the trip if I would ever return I would have said ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Would I go back today? Probably not, but it depends on where exactly, I don’t think I’m in a hurry to go back to Kolkata, maybe if my budget could afford luxury hotels I might.